i'd like to think that i come from a close family. unfortunately, i can't. oh sure, we have our kodak moments just like every other family. but we're not the brady bunch by any means. somehow, we stick together, tho.

first, there's my mom. we have this thing hangin' on our fridge that says, "if momma aint happy, aint nobody happy".. that about sums it up. but seriously, she's an amazing woman. she doesn't get the credit she deserves, but then, who does. my mom is the center of the family. she holds us all together. she carries all of our shit on top of all of her own. she's remarkable. we fight alot, me and my mom, but i love her more than i could ever express in words. mom's been through a lot lately, but she holds it together, for us more than herself, i imagine. i don't think she'd want me to put a lot of shit about her here, so i won't. but believe me, she's great.

i guess my father comes next. i love my daddy. i'm the perfect example of a daddy's girl. i tell him what i want, and i get it. he spoils me. but that ain't why i love him. i love him because i'm just like him. and we all know how much i love myself, now don't we? my dad's the nicest man i've ever met. no shit. i'm not just saying that because he's my dad. hell, it's not like he'll read this anyway. he'd never be mean to anyone. ever. he's wonderful. and he's soooo funny. sometimes too funny. like me, he uses it to avoid shit.. as a defense. he's an alcoholic, too. (sound familiar?) he always has a beer in his hand. he wakes up around 7am, has a cup of coffee, then starts drinking. now isn't that the life?? ... actually, he works away from home from mon-fri, so i guess he deserves to kill himself in any way he chooses. remember, i don't live with him. i hardly ever see him. he hasn't been around much as i've grown up, maybe that's why i idolize him so much. i dunno, i just know i love him, and i'd kill for him. and yeah, dad, gimme 26 years... i'ma take care of you. believe that.

my brother... robbie. he's the MAN. he's spent his whole life trying to make something of himself and get the hell out of that shithole i love (back home). i look up to my brother a lot, i just don't let him know that. he amazes me, really. he knows what he wants and he's bound and determined to get it. it being money, of course. he's in pharmacy school right now. i figure if i give him a couple years, he'll be rich enough to take care of me. pretty nice, eh? my brother's super intelligent, yeah, even more so than me. he's goodlookin', funny as hell, generous, loving. he's played father to me more than he should've had to. and i owe him just about everything. all i've done for myself lately, it's because of him. going back to school? because of him. my determination to succeed? him. love you, robbie...more than you know.

ryan, ry, rYrY.. my other brother. what an ass. i love him, though. ry's only a year older than me. he's a brat, too. he pretty much has everyone in the palm of his hands. my mom'd do anything for him, with hopes that one of these days he'll actually do the RIGHT thing for himself. (the right thing would probably be to NOT sell drugs, NOT run from the cops, NOT be a prick...you know.) but really, i do love him. i look up to him a lot, though i probably shouldn't. he was the cool guy in high school. he had all the friends.. you know, the COOL friends. the friends that i didn't really want but would've done wonders for my popularity. he drives a new truck, he wears expensive clothes, he hangs out with all the beautiful people. and, you know... he's a beautiful person. don't argue with me, robbie, he is.

my stepfather, mike. we argue a LOT. oh, a hell of a lot. we're both really huge babies. so it's nearly impossible for us to get along. sometimes we do, though, and that's pretty cool. mike is crazy intelligent. he knows everything about everything. or at least we let him think he does. he reads all the books i like.. he even listens to some of the music i like. he's the reason for my doors obsession, actually. without mike, this family would still be living in the hollers of eastern kentucky without money and mom would be working even harder and have more stress in her life than she already does. so we're all really thankful for him. but more than that, we all really love him. we try real hard not to show it, though, so don't go telling him that.

my aunt ruby. she passed away when i was ten, she took a big part of me with her. she was my best friend, my mentor, my guide, my mother, my father, everything in between. i wouldn't be here today without her. seriously. i would've went crazy and killed myself by now. she gave me strength. she showed me what love was. and she made me realize just how beautiful life was. i'm forever in her debt.

my grandmother passed away my junior year. that was one of the hardest years of my life. mamaw was kind, loving, giving, caring, funny, beautiful, sweeter than honey, the best. i can't write anymore about her, because, well, i'll cry. i've done enough of that. she was the greatest, though. i promise.

my other gramma... this is the one i lived with when i was in high school. she's hilarious. she doesn't mean to be, but she is. she's always telling us how she's gonna die, and she can't wait. we call her and she complains that no one calls her anymore. we go see her, she complains that no one visits her anymore. and if you're in that woman's house for more than five minutes, youve heard her ask you if you're hungry and if you want something to eat at least 10 times. "are you sure you're not hungry? i made some....."... but she didn't kick me out when i made a thousand dollars worth of phone calls on her bill. and she didn't kick me out when i staggered into her house three nights a week drunk off my ass. and she didn't kick me out when i screamed in her face or stayed online for four days straight and everybody thought she was dead because no one answered the phone.

i'm not gonna put anything here about the rest of my family because, well, for the most part, they all suck. they don't give a fuck about me, i don't give a fuck about them, you know? well... okay. but just names. phyllis, ivan, david, tina, jackie, larry, brenda, bryan, brittany, krit, and amanda...i love you. the rest of you? pah.